A Whole New Life

I feel like my life as I know it is slipping away and I am in mourning.

I think I’m really only writing this for me; to get my mind in order. And maybe for my children when they are older to try to make sense of what happened in 2020. It seems as good a place as anywhere to put it here.

I am a teacher. On Friday, 13th March 2020 we were called to a special briefing to tell us that we needed to prepare work for our classes in case the school was going to close due to the Coronavirus pandemic that was unfurling before our eyes like an episode of Dr Who.

By Friday afternoon we had an action plan which involved setting particular lessons for a particular year group which we would then upload in the event of a closure. We all had a bit to do.

On Saturday morning, I went to my local parkrun where I am a run director. People were talking about how ridiculous it was that the national football was off and events like the London Marathon had been postponed. Supermarkets were starting to run out of the basics as selfish individuals panic bought.

The schools in Ireland had been ordered to close on Thursday 12th March, with very little warning…in contrast, UK schools and teachers were already talking about it and an action plan was being formed. The parents and students were starting to realise that this might become a reality for us too.

Over the weekend and at the start of the week, we had our lessons prepared.

I returned to work on Monday the 16th of March to a new set of rules. We were not to leave the school. There was to be no external visitors or parents in school. All trips and training was cancelled. All interschool sports fixtures were cancelled. All assemblies and whole school staff briefings were cancelled. The list went on…

I started to hear from all my own children’s after school activities like Girlguiding and Scouting telling me that all meetings were cancelled.

On Tuesday 17th March, I came home from work to find my son coughing really badly. I knew it was just a cold and a cough, but also knew that in the light of everything that was happening, if he went to school the next day, he would be sent home. That meant that my daughter couldn’t go to school either and I couldn’t go to work.

And that’s when everything changed.

I watched Boris Johnson’s press conference on Wednesday 18th March with an open mouth. Schools were going to close on Friday 20th March, and exams weren’t going to take place.

No SATs. No GCSEs. No A-levels.

I was told by work to start uploading closure lessons. Staff in school were combining classes to have enough adults to look after the students that were left. I sat at home planning cover lessons, worrying about what was happening, wondering what would happen at work.

And all week I have been on the point of tears. As time has gone on, it has got worse as I have started to realise more and more things that will be different for at least the next 6 months.

My daughter is in Year 6. She won’t go back to the school she has been at for 7 years. She will be part of the year group who didn’t do their SATs. She won’t take part in the leavers play. She won’t see all her friends and teachers at her school again. No leavers assembly. No leavers party. She didn’t even have a last day of school as when she left on Tuesday she had no idea she wouldn’t be going back. Thank goodness she and the rest of them managed to go on their residential trip in February before all this kicked off.

My son won’t finish Year 2. He will be the year group who didn’t take their Year 2 SATs. He won’t see his class teacher or his friends until at least the new school year.

I won’t finish this school year with the students I teach. I will be setting work from home and going into work maybe once a fortnight or three weeks to support the children of key workers who will still be in school. My little Year 11 class won’t take their GCSE exams. We have had our ups and downs, but we were really getting on well this last term. They had goals to aim for and were trying. Now they will have their grades estimated, rather than proving themselves through hard work and exam results. So after Easter, I won’t be setting any work for Year 11. They are done. No prom. No leavers assembly. No shirt signing.

My mum is over 70 and has stayed at home for at least the last 10 days. Her social network of knitting groups, meeting friends and going to plays on hold. She spends time with us all regularly. Now she can’t. She’s at home on her own. She hasn’t seen my children or her other granddaughter in all that time and is worried as she is only one that she won’t remember her. Thank goodness for FaceTime!

And all this is making me so sad. I’m grieving for my old life and the old life of everyone else. We’ve had to change our whole mindset in the space of a week. I’m not sure the country and the world will get over this in my lifetime. The economic effects will go on and on for years.

I know that once things sink in we will find a new “normal”, but what will that be? Right now I need to stop crying and start to make plans. But that is easier said than done.

I will cook. I will bake. I will educate my children. I will knit. I will crochet. I will clean out my house from top to bottom. I will run.

We will get through this and, hopefully, emerge better people.

But until then…I will grieve for everyone’s changed lives.